Hope.

Hope (n.)- the general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled; "in spite of his troubles he never gave up hope"; promise.

I wanted to work on this Advent study throughout the season but I only got to Day 1 before becoming so completely consumed with family, friend and school problems that I put it aside (sadly) for a while. But now that I turned in my policy paper I am taking some time to read and learn again and the first week’s topic was ‘Hope’. And of course it got me thinking before I even read the study. (Confession: I still haven’t!)

Hope is the motivation that has gotten me through many situations, especially in the past 4 years. Hope is what all students have in finals week, that as soon as the week is done, things will calm down, our lives will move on and ultimately life will be ok again.

This past semester, actually for the past 3 years, I have struggled with not knowing what will happen to my life but wanting to know and dictate it. Through series of family events, close calls with academics, loss of friendships, etc. which has led to lots of worry and depression, it is has been difficult to maintain ‘hope’ especially for the future which seems most often bleak yet is so looming over my life.

But most recently, I have realized what hope is and I have rediscovered ‘hope.’ Not because I know I’ll have security in a job next year when I graduate, or if I’ll graduate, or that I know what I want to do with my career. In fact, I honestly can’t tell you where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing. It is very possible that I could be doing grad school for policy or I could be teaching science in a city public school or I could be working as an engineer at a chemical plant in Texas or Colorado. I don’t know. But I still have hope for my insecure future. And here is why:

One of the most memorable and depressing things I have ever been asked was by a 9 year old girl last month. She asked me, and I won’t forget it, “Cara- do you love your life because you know that you’ll have a home next year no matter what happens to you? Sometimes I don’t love my life because I don’t know what’s going to happen or if I’ll have a home.”

No child should ever think that or feel that. Ever. (The reasons for why she said this to me are very serious and terrible but I’m not at liberty to explain why.) She asked this to me during the semester where everyone is pressuring me to figure out what to do next with my life, where classmates are panicking and are completely insecure and different due to the competitive job market. She asked this after I had just had a meltdown a week before because I didn’t know where God wants to be me next year.

How should I answer this to a girl who very much is going through extraordinary circumstances? Maybe you would answer differently but this is what I said.

“No, I don’t love my life because I know that I’ll have a home next year. I love life because I know that God is watching over me, loves me and He will be there for me no matter what happens.”

This girl’s face immediately lit up and you could tell she had hope again. She got incredibly excited that it is possible that no matter what her physical situation will be, God will still be there. Then she went off in her own young child Christianese language that no one can understand because the child herself does not quite fully comprehend words enough to describe what she understands or is feeling and I have no clue what she said after that. But I could tell by her emotions and actions what she felt.

But seriously now, I have a God who I have declared as Lord of my life, a Savior who has redeemed me and a Spirit who is with me always. My God loves me sooooo much that He died just so my brokenness could be restored. Who am I to worry and fret about what is going to happen to me next year? Why should I be so consumed with fears of the future that I lose my hope and my faith in my God that He will take care of me and lead me where I should go? Where did that hope and faith go that I used to have?

The second definition when I googled ‘hope’ was ‘promise’. How often is it that I forget the promise of my God? John 1:12 says, “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” I am a child of God and as cliché as that sounds, it is wonderful. I have faith and hope in my God that I will be taken care of, that what I have endured in the past and in the present will be amended and that my future will be in God’s hands for Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘… I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Prosperity is not wealth. Prosperity does not mean that my life will be completely stable for years to come and will not change or be difficult. No, prosperity is “a successful, flourishing, or thriving condition” and I believe that is referring to my relationship with my God and the restoration of my life to His will and plan for my life. There will be suffering in my life, there will be challenges. I count myself blessed that I have no idea what is to come because as is explained “…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” (Romans 5:3-5).

Knowing that God is with me and His plan is better than anything that I could make is hope enough for me. All I have to do is learn to obey and listen.