Urbana: One Year Later

Last year, I went to a missions conference put on by Intervarsity Christian Fellowship (the national organization, not just local chapters or the regional area). In St. Louis, Missouri :) And I learned a lot.

A whole lot. The inarticulate student that I am cannot even describe what started going through my mind after Urbana. You see, I was a part of the Advocacy track, which was sponsored by International Justice Mission, World Vision and Sojourners. The point of the track was to teach awareness about human trafficking and slavery and modern-day (and not-so-modern) ways that we can speak up and fight it. Yes, slavery exists and is worse today than it was in during the Civil War time (but I'm not trying to educate or make you aware about this issue in this post- but if you're curious about it, please ask me and I'll explain more about it). This concept is something that since high school I had been learning about and was super passionate for. I didn't want to buy anything made from sweatshops, which proves to be near-impossible as a girl with no income living with her parents in Harford County. I then went to college and did Gateway after my freshman year. Gateway is probably one of the most mind-provoking, radically changing, confusing, stressful, and pensive programs I will ever go through and probably exists in the area. And not something to take lightly. And then I babysat a girl who was going through issues with custody problems because of sexual abuse and manipulative extended family and almost testified in court. And then my foster brother married a girl who had a daughter who was sexually abused and going through court to convict the person responsible.

And then Urbana happened.

I have always been a big fan of missions. I also have grown up learning a lot about it. My father used to be the missions coordinator at my church and therefore, we had a lot of missionaries come into our home to visit and to speak to our church. One of my old Sunday School teachers is now in Japan teaching as a missionary. This other lady, Faith, is a hospital technician in Kenya trying to keep the medical equipment working accurately on a low budget with lots of cultural differences. When I was little, my family went to a missions conference and I learned as a child what it meant to serve overseas. I remember making goo there (it symbolized something, I just don't know what). Missions has always been engraved in my heart as important. Some days I think maybe it's been engraved in my heart because perhaps I'm called to serve. Other days I understand that I'm not called to serve at this point in time. Other days I just don't know.

Urbana reconfirmed something that I had realized during Gateway: You don't have to witness and serve and change your lifestyle to be a missionary just by only being transplanted into another culture. You can do that here. As an American citizen, my vote and voice is very powerful. You can look at the Tea Party example for confirmation. I can "advocate" for things I believe in-- such as clean water for everyone, ending slavery, becoming more sustainable and responsible environmentally. I can serve with my time and money. I'm thinking that as soon as I graduate since I'll be living on my own I should buy my furniture (or at least that stuff I don't randomly find in my family's barn) from thrift shops and locally owned stores that sell local products instead of big corporations like Wal-Mart and Target and whatnot. Which means I probably will buy things one paycheck at a time since those items will be harder to find and/or afford.

Yep. After Urbana, I remember thinking "now what?" I remember being confused as to what I personally should do with my knowledge, skill set, and cares. I figured I had a very unique skill set that I should put to use and my awareness about child slavery was more personal than I had been expecting. I had interacted with victims and understood the beauty of art and music therapy and talking through things. I had understood how many injustices exist and how hard it is for victims and the oppressed to be on the bad side of these injustices. I remember asking God "now what?!"

If there is one thing I've learned, I've learned to be careful what you ask of and for from God. "Now what?" can be a dangerous thing to ask if you're not prepared to listen or be challenged. Oh boy. I think my parents must have asked Him that same question too at one point last year.

Perpetrators. Oppressors. They're not something we like to associate with nor care for when they do us or the weak harm. Yet at the same time we know they are human and sinners and that God loves them just the same as us. Do we love them? Most often than not, we don't act like we love them. This fall/start-of-winter has taught me and my family a lot about how to handle "the bad guys." There exists a very difficult line between forgiveness and having them pay justly for their crimes versus holding grudges and being unjust with their punishments. That line is incredibly difficult to find. Only through prayer and faith can justice truly occur. By obediently allowing God to take control and work through the situation will glory be given to Him and justice be beautifully served. Christ died for our sins. His resurrection reveals a glimpse at perfect restoration and justice. God's justice is the best out there; His is the perfect justice. We can't understand all of it and we shouldn't demand or expect to understand it- that's called arrogance. I have hope that God will one day right any wrongs done and that things will work out. I don't know when or how but it's exciting to think about that day. I still don't have answers on how to appropriately handle "the bad guys" but I know that step-by-step God will show us how when we need to know.

It's been a year since Urbana and I can't believe it. So many things have happened since then yet I still ask the same questions and I still have the same uncertainties. I don't know where I'm to go from here; I don't know what I'm going to be doing 6 months from now. All I know is that I'm constantly being stretched and grown in my faith and that I'm to trust. Trust in God as my God and Christ as my Savior and that the Holy Spirit will reveal to me what I'm supposed to do at the perfect time.

A year later and I am right back where I was before yet I'm slightly different. That might be a good thing. Maybe ;)

Remember: Hakuna mungu kama wewe.