The Story Isn't Over Yet (A HIMYM Reflection)

Here's a little-known secret about me. I love stories. I love hearing stories, I love telling stories and I love thinking up stories. That's probably one reason why I have an awkward blog which is only for stories ( stories that are true, about me or my friends and their awkward experiences).

One thing I love about stories is that they are never completely finished until all items have been resolved. Now, contrary people would tell me that is false- good stories leave you hanging, wanting more or wanting something to change (especially with documentary-type stories). But I would disagree. The stories that leave you hanging aren't finished. The actual story isn't finished yet even though the book might be published.

There is one story-line that I've been obsessed with since the first time it aired on television- that would be the show How I Met Your Mother. I absolutely love it. In fact, I love it so much that I even made one of my best friends a blue French horn for her birthday in honor of that show. I was very unsettled all season though because I thought the story was going to be winding down and ending since it was Season 8. You know how writers make the plot take forever to build up to the climax and then all of a sudden everything will fall into place and the show is over? They were doing that (and oddly the past few episodes seem to be reflecting parallels in my life too). But when things fell into place, some items were still missing. Not everything was explained or finished yet and I was so excited that there was more! AND even better is that the story isn't even over!

And that is what I love about stories. I love stories and watching stories unfold because life is one very complex story that never seems to be over. Things get messy and unsettled and disrupted and it's just wonderful after you can see how all that misery just makes for an even better resolution.

Stories reflect life but life is THE story that gets told. I don't think we always realize it. We make it about the characters or the theme or the genre or what have you, but it's all about the same journey or course in life.

I think that every story is really just pointing towards one HUGE story and we ALL are important characters in it.

And this is the beginning:
God was around, He made some awesome stuff (i.e. the entire universe) so we could live and worship Him and exist in all things beautiful but we fell off the wagon and created ugly by eating fruit from a snake. So to help us back on the wagon, a covenant was made that would guide and direct man to forgiveness and back to beauty. But it wasn't a pretty testament. Sacrifices were made, battles were had, sin kept existing, etc. All of this led up to the climax where Jesus, 100% God-man, died to finally end the catastrophic mess so we could all be free to worship God and restore things to the way it should be. He even said, "It is finished" to mark the end of that Old Testament covenant.

BUT.

PSYCHE!

It isn't finished! It's just getting good. Because now we see things are falling into place but we also are seeing things get more unsettled and dirty. Terrorist bombings, nuclear threats and war, starvation, climate change, no energy sources, the never ending cancer disease, the worsening effects of greedy corporate systems, etc. You know what that means? We need the big climax and resolution when His second coming will finish it all. Here I am, living in the middle of this part, just a small blip in this huge story, but we're here. We're here and we see the messy plot of Satan and sin trying to take over but we also see God at work. I see the part where I am lonely and sick and tired and depressed but I also see how God can use that to bless others and make life beautiful. For what IS beauty if there is nothing harsh to juxtapose it against? (Seriously- I'm asking because I want to know.)

Anyway, we are a part of this crazy absurdly complicated story which billions of people have participated in since the dawn of Creation. I just think that is the coolest thing ever. And it's not over until there is this sweet smell of God writing the last period on the phrase "The end" where everything is perfectly resolved and in place.

I can't wait.

But until then, instead of moping about the long dragged out plot, maybe I should be out there experiencing it. After all, He wrote me into it as a character, so why not?

Change

For two years now (actually probably longer, maybe 2.5-3 years), my soul has been hibernating. Some might have called me depressed even. Basically, my emotions hit the "pause" button and I stopped thinking, processing, feeling and doing. Well, I felt some things. 

Not much has happened for two years. I take that back actually. Let me explain some of the things that first come to mind that have happened in the past two years in my life:

• I realized I suffered from chronic and daily migraines (and not allergies and sinus headaches like I tried to tell people) for the past 5 years and figured out I was deficient in some minerals. I always blamed the weather- then i started tracking it and learned my headaches actually occurred daily and was not connected with the weather. So now I do things to prevent them and I haven't had one in 6 months. Life is so much more tolerable now.
• I had to end an extraordinarily emotionally toxic friendship with my best friend, which might have been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and it took me 5 months to get the strength to do so.
• My brother and I have gotten close like besties but it’s the type of closeness where you never acknowledge it because that would ruin the beauty of the sibling dynamic. 
• I lost my grandfather two Thanksgivings ago and learned that the saddest thing in the world is a 90 year old mourning widow who mourns for her late husband of whom she was married to for 70 years. 
• My friend was found discovered on the tracks of the NYC subway system. That is all I want to say about that.
• I learned that no matter how supported you are in your first job, they will still only treat you as “the girl out of college” and won’t give you freedoms the way the men are given- even if your company WBENC certified and you have presented work to 4 star generals.
• I almost choked on chocolate one night, literally to the point where I was trying to not panic and get myself outside so someone can help me because nothing had entered my lungs when I took a breath. 
• I’ve had the worst nightmare while sleeping that I have ever had where I woke up and tried calling my best guy friend at 3:30 am on a work night due to the crippling fear it produced- even to the point where I didn’t sleep for the next night either due to it and I blocked my doors every time I was in my apartment for a month after it. (If you know me, you know that dreams and things never affect my real life decisions like that unless if it’s bad.)
• My best friend got married to the perfect guy for her and her marriage is truly one that I admire and respect. In fact, because of her marriage and how wonderful it is, I have peace at the moment that I am the "forever single" girl because I know I haven't met that guy for me yet. I am at peace because I know when or if I ever do meet that guy, that story will be both beautiful and hilarious at the same time and will be totally worth the wait. I can't explain to you why my best friend's marriage has taught me this but it has.

Needless to say, most (but not all) of the memories I have of the past two years are not exactly "happy" or "favorite" memories. But, more importantly is that I’ve learned about family. Family helps. Family is what shouldn't EVER go away. And your family isn't just comprised of relatives (although it’s nice if you have those too) but your close friends and their relatives are also your family.  This is a sample list of what family does:

• They take you under their wing and force you to play board games for your entire birthday weekend with no one mentioning it's your birthday because they know how awful birthdays have been in the past for you.
• They let you show up late at night every weekend for 3 months because you are depressed but they never ask why. 
• They invite you over to every family function to help you feel included. 
• They don't ask why you love a certain show- they watch it with you instead, even if they don't understand or like it.
• They call you regularly even though you never remember to return their phone calls in a timely manner.
• They do all these things for you, but you would do the same things and more in a heartbeat for them.

Anyway, I'm ready for a change from these last two years. I'm hoping for a change. I'm praying for a change of attitude. Hopefully, tomorrow begins that change. I really want to call the last two years a "winter" season for my soul and I pray that my soul is moving into a season of spring.

I pray that something is finally beginning to thaw inside me.