Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Thankful Tuesdays #2

It's another Tuesday and since last week I decided to try "Thankful Tuesdays" where I reflect on the week and be thankful it is now time to do it again!

This week I have learned to be thankful for:
1. Travelling. I went to Connecticut and got to see some awesome snow and regional, epic grocery stores and experience "New England." I really like seeing the differences in towns and what makes each area unique and this was a good reminder of that :)

Us in Elizabeth's backyard in Connecticut :)
2. Friends. It's nice re-establishing, renewing or making new friends. I did a lot of that this past week. In Connecticut, I got to get to know like 7 other people my age (plus my friend's awesome parents), I got to get see friends I haven't seen or hung out with in a long time (since I was very anti-social last semester), and I made an awesome new friend today whom I should've been friends with 3 years ago (but better to start now than never!) :)

3. Family. Yep. I'm still thankful for them. I can't wait to be back at home this weekend. Last week, I called my parents and my dad was checking his email specifically seeing if I had sent him anything. Man, freshman year I went 2 months with no contact whatsoever with them! Times have certainly changed.

4. Job prospects. I think I may have actually found a chemical engineering job that I want to do and I haven't received a rejection letter back yet so that's good! God's given me a flicker of hope in my future with this career and I'm so thankful for that. It's been 3.5 years of misery and me being so unsure about it and loathing it. I'm excitedd. Pray that I'll recognize and do the thing that is what God wants me to do. kthx.

Yay! This was a good week. I like good weeks, especially when they are in the winter when I suffer from winter blues and seasonal anxiety. I've been learning so much and growing much closer to God. Yay!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Selfishness

Recently (for like 3 weeks), I’ve been convicted about selfishness. But not just in all aspects of life: specifically selfishness during worship.

It started out when my father explained why he loves hymns so much when compared to most contemporary worship songs. He says he loves hymns because they are so beautifully written to express God’s beauty and glory and they still are relevant today in application but worship songs tend to focus more on us humans.We sing about how we want to worship God and how we could worship God like this, “I could sing of your love forever” for more than 50% of the song instead of just actually singing about his love like this, To God be the glory, great things He has done; So loved He the world that He gave us His Son, Who yielded His life an atonement for sin, And opened the life gate that all may go in." How much of our worship is about what we do versus what God has done?

Of course I was rolling my eyes because my father is old and biased. But that thought stuck with me. Some worship songs I’ve sung in Christian events have disturbed me and there have been verses that I won’t sing because it doesn’t appear to worship God.

Worship: 1to show devotion to; 2an act of religious devotion usually directed to one or more deities. The word is derived from the Old English worthscipe, meaning worthiness or worth-ship -- to give, at its simplest, worth to something.

How often when we go into “worship” do we end up worshipping and singing about ourselves? Since I started thinking about it, I’ve been getting more and more uncomfortable when the words ‘I’, ‘me,’ ‘mine,’ and ‘my’ appear in every line of a song. I’ve started reading through the Psalms this year with my accountability partner and it’s amazing what I have learned. Take Psalm 18 for example which was sung after David had been delivered from his enemies and from Saul during that epic time when Saul kept chasing after David.

This song first starts out with a declaration of love towards God. And then the next 35 verses are just proclaiming how awesome God is. I know for me I will say my God is awesome, but I'll say it in only a few lines or phrases and then I’ll move on to asking Him something I want and not just asking him for 'petty things' but things like, Give me a passion for this, or I want strength to do this which I think is Your will, or I want to feel Your love more. Instead, shouldn’t I be saying nonstop, “God, You are so marvelous, I am so unworthy of Your protection and Your love. My God is a majestic Saviour that loves justice and mercy. God, You are in control of the earth where the mountains dwell and the oceans move and I concede my life to Yours. You are in control of my life. Your will and only Yours should occur in my life and with this passion”?

And then, when David mentions something that he accomplished, he gives all the benefit to God. In verse 38 for example David sings, “I crushed them [his enemies] so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet. You [God] armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet.” David claims that he did those things physically but isn't afraid or even hesitant to admit that really it was God that gave him the ability and power to do so.

I don’t think that often I give God the glory when something good happens. When bad things happen, I’m more prone to say, “well maybe God doesn’t want this for me” but I rarely say, “God is the one that allowed me to stay focused in my classes and get me past the semester when all I wanted was to be at home with my family” I usually say, “I forced myself to focus even though it was so hard and I was miserable being away from my messed-up family but I got through it.”

How selfish is that of me? SO Selfish! But now that I’m aware of it when I go into a time of worship, am I praying about me? Or what God wants? Am I singing about me and my friends? Or about my Savior? These are just some things to ponder. 

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Thankful Tuesdays

I found that on someone's blog they do this thing called "Thankful Tuesdays" where they write down things that they are thankful each Tuesday. (duh.) I kinda think that is a neat idea and goes pretty well with my other New Year's traditions of Meatless Mondays and Fish Fridays. So.... I wanna try it. At least for now.

This week, I am thankful for...

  • My real, legit brother because he's awesome and fixed my computer and saved all my files when my hard-drive decided to stop being recognizable as a hard-drive.
  • Snow (bc it snowed on Monday night while I was with a bff eating onion rings)
  • Church. I do love going to church. And by church not only do I mean the body of Christ but the actual institution. I didn't realize how much I loved going until my non-Christian friend told me she was sad for me that I didn't get to go on Christmas Eve because she knew how excited I get when I go. I missed going to church this week because I couldn't find a ride to mine and every time I don't get to go to church, I get a little sad. I live on campus in the dorm and this is the 4th year of me doing so. While I get plenty of fellowship with Christians, it's only really with college aged children or people who think they are college aged still. It's nice and refreshing to go to a church where there are older and younger people also worshiping the same God. It keeps everything in perspective.
  • Family bonding. As much as I greatly despise and loathe all the problems that have been going on this past semester with my family, we are growing closer as a family. I never grew up with my sisters because they were already married when I was born so I never had those bonding moments. And my parents are so old I never thought of having a two-sided conversation with them instead of just revering whatever they say and keeping my thoughts to myself. But this winter we got to sit down and chat and have intelligent conversations on stuff such as food and human trafficking and diabetes and disease and work and school and anxiety. That was nice.

Yay! PS- Meatless Mondays is less fun when they serve the good meat on Mondays and terrible vegetarian foods. And they didn't have vegan sausage yesterday like they usually do. I actually really wanted vegan sausage too.

Monday, January 17, 2011

MLK, Jr's Day

Today is probably the one day a year when America reflects on the injustices that has occurred within our own borders, on our own citizens by our own citizens. And today is the day that everyone quotes Martin Luther King, Jr's famous "I had a dream" speech. (Sometimes I wish that we would learn some of his other speeches too because I know they are very good as well.)

The famous question that is always being asked on this day is did we accomplish his dream? I've been perusing the news and other people's opinions on various blogs about what they think and there seems to be a general consensus that the USA has come a very long way in helping to achieve MLK, Jr's dream but we aren't there yet.

Seeing firsthand, I can tell we aren't finished accomplishing this dream. It hurts a lot when I go home and I can see what racism does. My friend can't date a certain person because of his background. A friend's father won't hire someone because his skin-color automatically makes him "lazy." A coworker gets a promotion and everyone claims it's because of minority status.

Fortunately, we have come a long way. And I want to celebrate this fact. My parents will tell me stories about when they were growing up and how life was like. My town has come a long way; even throughout history, this is a fast pace that we're trying to change.

There's a mural in Philadelphia that represents victims of crimes. Right next to it is a mural representing the the oppressors and criminals. (Supposedly the victims and oppressors worked together to help create the murals.) On the oppressors' mural there is a poem on it and some lines from it say,
"I am... all human... all hues of man."
 I think that these murals represent both sides of our lives. All too often, Americans like being the victim. We think, "This is what happened to me, this is why I am the way I am and it wasn't my fault" but we do not acknowledge all the times that we oppress others. These two murals combined I think represent my life: victimized and yet oppressing others in a terrible cycle that I can't get out of.

But some day, the cycle will end. We all are born sinners, battling with these injustices and problems. And because of this, we will have problems. No matter how hard we try, there will be problems. However, through God's glory and love and power, these problems will one day be resolved.
"The Lord sets the prisoners free; the Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the strangers; [the Lord] upholds the orphan and the widow."
- Psalm 146:7-9
 I believe that I have been set free from injustices and because of this faith one day the earth will be restored and then all will be made right. I don't believe that because I have faith in a Saviour that I won't ever see or experience injustices (on either side) on this broken earth but it will change some day. I do believe that Christ is the person that changes hearts, not laws, not policies, and not force. The Holy Spirit is what will cause souls to stir and continue to seek justice and repentance.

Our nation has come a long way. We still need to seek out humility and an attitude that is willing to change. I personally think that more change would be witnessed if we understood and focused on the heart change and not a policy change. What's in our hearts as individuals, as a town, as a state and as a nation is ultimately is what will bring about the fulfillment of MLK's dream.
"I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day."
 Amen.


Sunday, January 2, 2011

It's 2011 now!

It's 2011 now yay! I really disliked 2010. 2010 was most definitely not one of my favorite years that I've experienced.

This year is going to bring some pretty big changes with it. I'll (God-willing) graduate and move to the next step in my life which is probably getting a job and working somewhere. I have no idea where or doing what yet. Besides that, I think there are 2 things I want to start doing that are mainly for when I start living on my own and have to cook for myself and others

First, I want to have Meatless Mondays. I love meat. I like it more than what is healthy to like meat. I also love farming and supporting farms. I like saving energy and the environment too so when meat takes up substantially amount of resources to produce and eat and since we don't need as much of it as we actually consume, I feel that I have to start training myself to appreciate finding iron and protein from other sources. I can't have minors in environmental engineering and sustainable energy technology without doing it. I also really really like vegetables and beans so it shouldn't be a problem for me. (When I grow up, I want to have a vegetable garden and can my vegetables and make green beans the way my mother does.)

Second, I want to start up again Fish Fridays. I know that the dining hall used to serve fish on Fridays during my freshman year because I always thought it was funny that they still did "Fish Fridays" like back in the old school days. Mainstream America 50 years ago used to recognize Fish Fridays. At least in Maryland they did because my parents remember eating fish on Fridays in the cafeterias and at home. Fish is delicious. Expensive, yet yummy. It also is good for your brain...or heart... or both (I don't remember specifically which one it is). I'm really bad at cooking fish without completely overdoing it so I"m excited on learning on to make it.

I don't know how easy these two things will be while I still eat in the dining hall. The fish one might be impossible. But once again, I mainly am excited about starting it for real once I'm living and cooking on my own. Yay!

PS- I wrote this before I was caffeinated this morning so if it sounds ridiculous that is why.

PPS- Happy Birthday, Dad! (Even though he doesn't read my blog nor do I want him to read it.) He's old today. And he's limping around with gout today which is also called 'rich old man's disease' haha