An Awkward Blog Update

I have two blogs.

This blog. And my awkward blog. But all of you who have found this blog should already know about the awkward blog. That’s my famous one.

I haven’t posted any of my awkward stories though since December. Have awkward stories happened to me? Yes, of course. I had a strange man follow me from when I walked out of my dorm to Trabant the other day. He originally wasn’t walking in the same direction that I was headed either but he turned around when I passed him.  But nothing came of it so I can’t write about it.

But there have been no solid stories in a while. I like to think it’s because I’m getting skilled at dealing with them however that would be a complete lie- I’m awkward. I really think really it’s mainly due to two reasons. 

1. I haven’t been out that much in places where I can create stories. Between work, family, shyness and sickness, I just haven’t been places this year where the awkward can creep on me.
2. A lot of my stories that are my truly awkward stories I can’t write up because of privacy issues. Aka some of my creepers have found my blog and read it or some of you made me feel super awkward but I won’t tell you or write about it because I don’t want you knowing.

But do not fear. I’m still very awkward at heart. And I’m sure more stories will come.

Testimony and Themes and Whatnot

I just wrote out my testimony again. I haven't updated it in 3 years. So much has changed since then, especially within this past year so I figured it needed to be done. I wrote it out and am still writing and so far it's taking up over 9 pages in my journal.

There are basic themes though that keep getting repeated.
1. God prepares us for what is to come. It's almost ironic how much God has prepared me to go through some of the situations I have faced.
2. Friendships/any type of relationship (parent-to-child, coworker, mentor/mentee, friends, bf/gf, etc) should never be idolized. While God said, "It is not good for man to be alone," first and foremost our focus must be on God. When our focus leaves God, that's when problems occur. I've lost many friends by losing focus and thinking that I know best. I've idolized friends and I've been through bouts of loneliness. Having no friends (or not trusting anyone to be a friend) is just as bad as idolizing a relationship.
3. Letting go of painful situations is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Learning to forgive is part of the letting go process. Forgiveness doesn't come if anger has built walls around your heart.
4. Learning to forgive is extraordinarily difficult.
5. Trust goes against everything that society tells you to do.
6. The worst feeling in the world is feeling like you are a burden when your spirit is deeply hurting.
7. Giving of oneself is the best gift you could do for yourself.
8. I was a nerd in high school. And the first two years of college. Then I burned out.
9. "But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." -Micah 7:7. My God will hear me. That is a promise.
10. "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love" -Galatians 5:6b. If you ever doubt a rule or a command or what you should do, recite this verse and ask yourself deep down is it faith being expressed in love or is it rebellion/anger/sadness/doubt?

I might type up some of my testimony and share it on here. Not all of it. But maybe some parts. We shall see.

Before Leaving College

There was a list of things that my friends and I think all college kids should do or that we'd imagine we'd do in college before graduating. This list is what I haven't successfully accomplished yet. Some assistance might be required.

Things I need to do before leaving college:

1. Star Wars Marathon (Patty and I have been talking about it since freshman year). I get lots of interest but no one is willing to commit to watching them :(

2. Jump in the fountain

3. Visit Colburn after leaving the bars

4. Go on the roof of Du Pont

5. Get to all the bars (I haven't been to Timothy's yet).

6. Eat at all the places on Main Street (not sure if I can afford it though). I still need the newly opened Indian place, Cheeburger Cheeburger, St Clair's, Mojo's for hush puppies, Falafel Plus and the fancy places like Iron Hill for food, the Post House Restaurant, Deer Park bc I think I've never actually ordered food there, Caffe Gelato and a few others. I think the pricier places I might try going to brunch on the weekend perhaps or I'll just come back in the summer or fall to finish when I have an income.

7. $3 movies in Trabant and the $2 documentaries on Wednesdays (I've never actually gone to one here)
8. Hush puppies at Mojo's. I've heard delicious rumors that they exist on the dinner menu and I MUST find out the truth and order them if they truly exist 

It was jokingly suggested that I should add to the list getting my MRS degree and getting kissed under the kissing arches. If you know me however you should know that neither of those were ever on the list to begin with. I do know girls who have them on their lists though.

If there are any other suggestions that I should add to this list, please feel free to tell me!

Dream Job

This past Friday, I had a job interview in Royersford, PA which is about 1h15 from Newark, DE and about 1.5h from home. I've been struggling with job interviews mainly because I've had the hardest time imagining myself as a career woman. Sometimes I'm so burnt out from school that I wanted to take a year off just to sleep and recover. Looking towards the future has been almost impossible from this burn-out and in reality, I have no idea what God wants me to do for a career but I do know that I want to love the Earth and want to protect it (instead of harm it like most engineering companies do) and that I want to love people.

I also do not want to move more than 3 hours away from home which greatly limits my career since most chemical plants are in the Gulf Coast or Mid-West and most environmental jobs are on the West Coast. That is a personal decision which I have constantly been trying to figure out if it was a God-directed decision or a selfish-decision. I think it is a God-decision but it took me a long time and a lot of turmoil to figure that out.

This job opening is my dream job. I'd be looking at manufacturing processes and products that companies want to be 'green' or 'sustainable' and show them how to make them better for the environment while they can still be affordable. Basically, if I could describe what I want to do, that's what I really want to do.

The people who interviewed me were awesome. And really nice. And very excited about my background. And the people who work there wear flannel and go biking and seem amazing. They told me that the next step is that they'd invite me for 3 days (while paying me for those days) to learn and work and do a 'trial-run' and then if I did fine (which I'm assuming I will unless if something major comes up), then I will get the job (: which is very exciting and encouraging but now my mind is off figuring out car situations and housing and budgets and how to make new friends and keep old friends. I'm quite bewildered actually.

For over a year, I kept crying to God to open up doors/windows and show me where He wants me to go and what He wants me to do. Whether or not this job actually comes through (pray it does please, kthx) is another story but it does feel nice that after waiting not-so-patiently God has encouraged me and given me hope. As over-used as Jeremiah 29:11 is, it really is true.

My next fear though is: When I move, how will I ward off all of those local creepers?

3 Stages of Females

I've been processing and thinking too much recently. Too many of my girlfriends have been struggling hardcore with boys, careers, friends, family, roommates, and other issues which then make me reflect on my life. But during this processing I've come to the conclusion that I think there exists 3 phases of a female's life: Girl. Lady. Woman. And naturally, there are transition phases from and into each phase.

Girls are young. They have the desire to play and experience life through young eyes with a (hopefully) carefree spirit. But as girls age, they transition into being a lady. Ladies are still young and require protection from the world as life circumstances shape their character and personality. Ladies desire to be beautiful and still want the attention that was bestowed on little girls yet ladies want their independence and adventure. I think this is where the "gentleman" came into play way back in the day and since ladies want independence and adventure, that is now why we rebel and get angry when guys try to open doors for us.

The transition from becoming a lady to a woman is different. I think only maturity, experience and attitude makes the transition into womanhood. I do not think there are any age approximations on when this occurs either. There are some people I know that are in their late 20s and 30s that I still might classify as a lady versus a woman yet there are some teenagers that I have met that I would say are women.

I think my transition into womanhood began a few years ago when my mother was so weak during the holidays that I was the one giving orders on how to get prepared for the holiday parties and began prepping the food and telling my (much older) siblings how to help. It progressed this fall when a family crisis hit and my parents did not know how to properly react or respond and asked me as an equal what I thought our response should be. Now to fully understand this, in my very traditional family when I have sisters 47 years old, we have a hierarchy of age and experience with which comes respect; I had always been considered young and immature in comparison to the rest of my family. Until recently. (Note: God clearly had been preparing me for this situation the last 4 years of my life. There is no way that my past experiences and passions are coincidental. Clearly God was at work preparing us for this crisis.)

I obviously am not a woman yet. I do not know many that are at my age but many of us are in that transition stage. My girlfriends are generally still are all ladies. While transitions are deeply personal and gradual, the way one transitions depends on our faith and the community that surrounds us. Adults and friends can help protect and teach girls life lessons, they can hold ladies accountable through love and guard ladies' hearts, and should encourage women in their walk with God.